Diablo ****ing THREE.

So, for those involved in the gaming community, today was the official announcement for Blizzard Entertainment’s Diablo Three. This comes at no surprise for people who are religiously devoted to Blizzard, or those who have been checking for job listings (such as myself -.-;;) but nonetheless, rather exciting news (though I would venture to say that SC2’s announcement, over a year now, was more exciting). So let’s take a look as to what Diablo 3 is all about in respect to their FAQ with some of my input:

“We’re developing [Whatever date they give, + a few months] Diablo III to be the definitive action role-playing game, and a true continuation of the Diablo series. [Same shit, new graphics] Players will create a hero from one of five distinct classes [+ two more when the expansion comes out], such as barbarian [Oh, real original] or witch doctor [necromancer, anyone?], each equipped with an array of spells and abilities [Which eerily remind you of previous spells, but with different graphics and names...]. As these heroes adventure through rich and varied settings [drab, dismal dungeons with bodies lying all around], unraveling an epic storyline [You have to fight Diablo, again] and engaging in combat with hordes of monsters and challenging bosses [Mindless mouse clicking], they’ll grow in experience and ability and acquire items of incredible power [Farming for epics again and again and again].

The game takes place on Sanctuary, a world of dark fantasy [Finally has a name]. Unbeknownst to most of its inhabitants [REALLY? REALLY? hordes of hellions come to the planet and no one knows?], Sanctuary was saved some twenty years ago from the demonic forces of the underworld by a few brave and powerful heroes [I was one of them /flex]. Most of those warriors who directly faced the armies of the Burning Hells — and were fortunate enough to survive — went mad from their experiences [That we devoted so much time to a stupid game only to devote our time later to WoW]. And most of the others have buried their haunted memories and pushed the horrors from their thoughts [I dont want to think back on how much time i spent on the damn game]. In Diablo III, players will return to Sanctuary to confront evil in its many forms once again [same shit, again, with prettier graphics, and again, Diablo].

Diablo III will be a fitting sequel to Diablo II, with the easy interface, fast-paced action [you literally just click two mouse buttons the whole game], and visceral gameplay that Diablo players have come to expect and enjoy [Until you realize your gear sucks.  OH THE REPETITIVE FARMING FOR SOJs]. It will also include many new features [Hotkeys] that will take the Diablo action-RPG[dungeon crawler] experience to the next level [of your bankruptcy and or debt].  We look forward to going into much more detail on our plans for Diablo III as development on the game progresses [We want your damn money].”

Honestly, I feel like this game is roughly going to be the same thing as D2, just with better graphics, same with SC2 for that matter.  This isn’t to say that I’m not excited, but can’t help but to wonder what Blizzard is thinking releasing such heavy hitters in a short time.  Supposedly, World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King is coming out in a few months; Starcraft 2 can be expected to follow shortly after probably the latter half of 2009; and perhaps D3 will be coming out the following year.  We can probably also expect to see the announcement of another WoW expansion coming next year.  At this rate, I might as well just send Blizzard my bank information and just let them have my money.  Despite the same crap over and over again, I’m a sucker for their art, cinematic and their gameplay.  I cannot deny that the artwork and the cinematic shown didn’t make me wet my pants a little.

This leads me to my final thought; I’ve killed Diablo at two times, + an additional three for the various difficulty levels x the amount of characters I’ve made in the past.  I’ve smacked around his brothers non-stop, made his orphan children gold lewtz, and molested his female kin again and again.  Despite being fun and games, when will Blizzard stop beating the dead horse and just create new franchises?  If there are plans for a Warcraft FOUR, I might just have to throw in the towel for Blizzard.  Seriously, lets get some new stuff in.